my adventures in northern indiana
I sit sipping coffee and spending time with Him. The world is dark and still and very quiet. My dog naps beside me and my devotional book lays still on my lap and my mind wanders. I spend some time half thinking and half praying.
First, my mind goes to friends who are also traveling the road of infertility and I whisper a little prayer for each of them. Then I think about those who are fostering and adopting and my mind stops there for a second.
I think about how noble fostering and adopting is. I think about how my heart breaks every time I hear a story about an unwanted child. I think about how Dennis and I have prayed and prayed for years about adopting and how God continually tells us to wait.
And then I pray.
God…I don’t know what to DO. I am a woman and You created me to be a mother. Can I find purpose in life without mothering? Can my life mean something without having children in it?
I again go silent, tears running down my face while I quietly wait for an answer. My mind then goes to the women in my life who were never able to have children. Women who are nearing the end of their stories and yet who have lived full, on purpose lives. Lives that God has used to help others.
God, can You use me like that? I whisper, almost afraid.
The world was silent for what seemed like ages and then one thought entered my mind…..let ME be your purpose.
So, once again, I lay my life at His feet.