my adventures in northern indiana
Shockingly enough, I have learned an amazing lesson. I say shockingly because I can be rather thick headed and it can take me LONG to learn something. And actually, this thing that I have learned HAS taken me LOOONG to figure out. And I’m almost scared to even write this because I’ll probably forget exactly what I’ve learned and end up having to re-learn everything. But I’ll tell you anyway, because it is such a lovely thing to have figured out.
So, here it is: counting your blessings really works!
You know, it is slightly amazing how many people expect me to live a sad, depressed life because of the infertility journey that God has put me on. I have come to the point where I’m not at all hush-hush about it. If someone asks if I have children yet, most of the time my answer is “no. I can’t have children.” For me, its easier to be up front about it then there’s no wondering or whispering or gossiping. But usually what comes out after my revelation is an “oh, I’m sorry,” and a look that either says “oh, shoot! are you gonna cry!?” or “I will gladly comfort you now.”
But I don’t need to cry (well, sometimes I do still need to cry, but those times usually aren’t out in public). And the reason I don’t need to cry is because a number of years ago, God gave me a good shake, sat me down and informed me that I need to stop thinking about what I don’t have and start focusing on what I do have. So, after MUUUCH practice, I find myself absolutely loving my life.
Now, I am a woman, so I will always have this empty spot in my heart. And I will probably always cry on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. And there will always be times when I have to get busy counting my blessings again, but I really do have such a fun life. And if this is the life God has for me, I don’t want to be miserable while living it, I want to enjoy every second of it!
A wise woman once told me that love is a choice. And while that is SO true (and I could write a whole series of posts on that), I have come to realize that happiness is also a choice. I can choose to wallow in my misery, or I can choose to see the many things that God has blessed me with. So, I am doing my best to choose happiness and count my blessings every day!