my adventures in northern indiana
Ah, do I dare post what is on my heart? Do I dare reveal the utter rawness that I am feeling right now? Do I dare even think that anyone actually wants to read what I have to say? Well, no matter…I shall write about it! And the reason I will share with you the feelings I feel is not to bring attention to myself, but to make others think about the fact that there will be women hurting this Sunday. Women who are not yet strong enough to share their feelings themselves.
Mother’s Day is always hard for me. And always will be. It is a day where I’m smacked upside the face with everything I have longed for and everything I have lost. It is a day where no matter where I turn, it’s just staring at me. New mom’s happily experiencing their first Mother’s Day. Preacher’s talking about what the Biblical view of motherhood is. Flowers given to celebrate and show love to those who have mothered. It’s all so amazingly good. And it’s all so amazingly hard.
Mother’s Day is one day a year where I allow myself the privilege of not fighting. Every other day of the year, if I feel sad about “the baby thing,” I start counting my blessings and work really hard on changing my perspective. Not on Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is the day I’m allowed to feel the raw feelings without feeling guilty. Mother’s Day is the day I’m allowed to lay in my husband’s arms for hours and cry if I need to. Mother’s Day is the day I’m allowed to feel just a little frustrated and even yell at God if I have to. Mother’s day is the day I remember my five “Heaven Babies.” Mother’s Day is even the day I’m allowed to not go to Church if it’s just too hard.
But Monday morning comes, and I finish drying my tears. I pray one more time. I turn my focus back on Jesus and I get back to counting my blessings. Because after I’m finished feeling the hurt that a fallen world has dealt me, the fact remains that my God has overcome the world. My Jesus has blessed me with so many amazing things! And one day, I’ll get told hold all five of my babies and I’ll never have to stop!
Mother’s Day is so good. The women who have invested their lives in us do deserve to be celebrated. They deserve gifts and special diners. Words of love and sermons dedicated to them. But while all of that is going on…while you are being celebrated for raising children, there may be a lady sitting beside you feeling just how empty her arms are. Trying not to cry because every word being said is reminding her of everything she longs to have.
So, this Mother’s Day I simply ask that you remember those women. Think about what you say before it wounds. Thank God for full arms. Hug your children extra tight. And revel in being celebrated because being a mother is truly a gift.
And now I shall celebrate a few of the Mother’s in my life:
My Grandmother’s who have taught me so much and helped me become the woman I am today.
My dear Aunt Mary who is like a third grandmother…who inspires me to find a purpose in life other then children.
My mother-in-law who is seriously the best mother-in-law EVER! Who I am thankful to consider a friend and who has never made me feel guilty for not giving her grandbabies.
And last, but certainly not least…my very own mom who listens to me yammer about the little things and cries with me about the big things. Not only did this amazing woman raise me, but she has become my best friend. I love you like crazy, mom!