Revelations on Insecurities

You know what I wish? I wish, very badly, that I would stop worrying about what other people think about me.

That, honestly, has been a constant struggle for me ever since I can remember. I know a lot of people have this struggle, especially women…And that makes me sad.

Seriously…I worry that people think I’m fat/ugly. Strange for being Mennonite. Not “Mennonite” enough. Just plain weird. And we just won’t talk about the insecurities that come with not being able to have children.

But when I read God’s word, all I can see is just how much He loves me and how awesome He thinks I am.

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” -Zephaniah 3:17

So, why do I keep fretting over what other humans think of me!?

I’ve learned that this is one of Satan’s ploys. He tries to get me to doubt my worth which  leads to eventually doubting God’s love for me. He’s clever, he really is.

But, like I said, the more I read God’s word, the more He shows me what HE thinks of me. Slowly, He’s gently teaching me to see myself through His eyes. It’s going to take some time, but I’m really beginning to love what He sees.

And, thankfully, I don’t have to DO anything on my own. This is another one of the many things that God just wants me lay down. My attitude towards my insecurities shouldn’t be to fight. What is there to fight? What is there to do? Nothing but give up and accept God’s love.

See, for me, these insecurities and comparisons are actually a result of fear. And fear is a form of control…trying to keep from getting hurt (I’ve learned a lot about fear and control from Dorcas Stutzman’ s book Trust and Control). And control is sin.

That’s jumping way out there, now isn’t it!? Insecurity is sin!? I honestly never thought about it until just this instant, as I was typing, but I really believe it’s true.

When I worry so much about what other people think, first of all, I’m communicating to God that 1. His opinion of me isn’t as important as these mere humans and 2. that what He lovingly created isn’t good enough.

Both of those things sound like the opposite of trust.

Anyway, I feel like I’m going in circles. Basically, I just had a revelation about all of this.

God made me perfectly (not perfect, but perfectly). God loves me. Those two things are the only things that define me. Those two things are the only things I should ever focus on.

Period.